I know I've totally been slacking on my memoirs! I had a busy September. Today I have time but my mind is not on it..but I will continue soon!
I am again reading Oprah's magazine,I just started reading last month and the November issue is just as good I may just subscribe. This month there is an article about finding your life's purpose. This is actually why I bought the magazine, although sometimes I wish the magazine was written "Finding your life's purpose for Karina" because I need it laid out in black and white for me. If only it was so easy! But nay, it's all about finding it for yourself, I guess some sort of journey not the destination business.
4 years ago I decided to stop flying and find a "real" job. I didn't know what that was, but I knew it would come. And here I am today, still waiting for my real job. 2 years ago I decided to go back to school for my master's degree in Occupational Therapy. I think I was more enthralled with the idea of it than the actual job, and that it would be a stable, well paying career to have. Earlier this year I found out I was not accepted into grad school and now I find myself today back at the beginning. Waiting for that real job. The one that evokes passion, excitement, sense of purpose.
I took a quiz in the magazine and learned that I'm afraid of success. I'm sorry to say, I already knew this to be true, cemented by the fact that after reading that I got a little dizzy and light headed. Steps to progress in life are often met with panic attacks. I am standing in my own way. I always thought I was a confident person but turns out when it comes to fulfilling dreams, my confidence wavers severely. It sounds like the most ridiculous thing ever, standing in my own way of success, but I am somewhat relieved to know that, being that it's in a published magazine, others must have it too? And isn't that sad.
There is a quote from Andrea Bocelli. He practiced law but loved singing, "And that's how my destiny revealed itself. I came to believe that if you have a gift, you have an obligation to share it with others. It's as simple as that." Simple as that. It would be so simple as that, if I knew my gifts.
Sometimes I wonder about people..the world needs people to fill every position in life. But I wonder if people who are, say, secretaries, feel like they are fulfilling their purpose? What about garbage men? Or housewives? The world wouldn't function the same without people who do these jobs. I am a secretary and I for sure know this isn't my destiny. So do the people who do these jobs feel like they want more out of life or are they fulfilled? These are the things I wonder about. But really, #1 for me is finding my own destiny. I've never been one to settle, and I will not be at peace until I find it. But for crying out loud, I'm 32, when is it going to happen?!